The "If Only"s

By Bridget LeRoy

When I was in my 20s and 30s, it was all about the "if only"s. I knew I would be happy "if only" my car was newer, my house was bigger, my ass was smaller, my husband was more loving, my children did better in school, my bank account was fatter....

If only I took my vitamins, worked out three times a week, meditated, read the right books....

If only my parents/friends/partner understood me....

At some point it was explained to me that happiness is an inside job. Nothing external would ever make me happy for any length of time. Conditional joy was how I had lived my life, going from one high to another before plunging again into the depths of want and despair, waiting to be pulled out of it by winning the lottery or finding the right pair of shoes.

It took a long time to be happy exactly where I am, right now. This is the life I've been handed, and it's a pretty damn good one.

Everything I've experienced has brought me to where I am this morning; watching my gorgeous hubby cooking fresh eggs and nitrate-free bacon for the kids, looking at my dogs (who are looking at my kids with the endless hope that a piece of food will slip through their fingers), listening to my crazy little parrot saying "I'm gonna get you!", drinking my organic coffee and just being.

If only everyone could be this happy....